Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dignity is for republicans.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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