barbara walters just said penis...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
