Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
