I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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