i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
did you just send me my own nude
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
