i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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