You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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