FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
