Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
