We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
