he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
