he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
