Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
