I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
