and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
