apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
