Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
His nipple licking is glorious
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