An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
