He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
