i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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