This is not my ceiling
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
