two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
