just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
