I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
