Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
