Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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