He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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