There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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