i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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