That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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