So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
