he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
