I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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