your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
