Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
