We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
