Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
