I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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