yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
