It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
