sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i came on her dog
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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