so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i out mim tonsoeep
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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