Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
