I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
