we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
