and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
