Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
