So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
