Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
