i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
